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“Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.” - Philip K. Dick (1928 - 1982)

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Valedictorian Speech With Daria Morgendorffer

I wish MTV stayed cool like it used to be back in the 90s. Smart, thought provoking and brilliant, unlike all the crap MTV spews out now.

I got totally hooked on MTV when I was in high school. Staying up late and sneaking just to see shows like Late Night With Butt-head, Aeon Flux, The Head and The Maxx. I remember my mom used to hate Beavis and Butt-head and gets weirdly angry every time she caught us (me and my brother) watching the show. I don't know, but I could say -- that show mentally devirginized me... then came Daria, which isn't just mentally devirginizing but rather mentally abusing. The perfect show for growing teens! Daria, she actually taught me how to survive high school with caustic wit and a pair of combat boots. Anyway, its script were well-written, the scenes were very realistic and the characters were interestingly funny. I just don't understand why do amazingly well-written shows like this get cancelled, while crap like Family Guy and the Cleveland Show stay on the air? So I'm stuck with seemingly similar shows, South Park and The Simpsons.

Anyway, Daria had its moments, well almost every show. Sarky lines and witty statements all over. Below are some of my unforgettable Daria quotes:

Daria: People call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute.

Daria: Unless the problem is, what's for dinner. Pizza can solve that problem quite handedly.

Daria: I have something to tell you two. Tom's not my brother.
Kevin: A-ha!
Daria: He is the mad scientist who built me. He has to hang around in case my internal organs fall out.

Jane: You have to distract Gary...
Daria: How?
Jane: You'll think of something. Use your womanly attributes.
Daria: Gotcha. I'll give birth.
Jane: That'll work.

Jake: Damn it, Daria! I'm not made of money!
Helen: Damn it, those bastards aren't going to take away my days!
Quinn: Damn it, Daria, you could've sounded like you meant it!
Daria: Damn it! It's MY turn to say damn it!

Daria: My goal is not to wake up at age 40 with the bitter realization that I have wasted my life on a job I hate because I was forced to decide on a career in my teens.
- (One of my favorite Daria quotes.)

Daria: Like being in love there must be a corresponding painful side like losing in love, it's just a fact of life.

Daria: That's the road to happiness and personal satisfaction. That's why they don't want you to take it.

Trent: You know Daria, sometimes it's hard to believe you're in high school.
Daria: I find the situation unbelievable myself.

Helen: (On reading Daria's career aptitude test evaluation sheet.) A mortician? Your lack of interest in personal interaction makes you an ideal candidate for working with the dead. Daria, have you given any thought to your career plans?
Daria: I guess I'll just wait around for people to kick the bucket.
Helen: I can't believe you're not more ambitious.
Daria: You want me to kill people to drum up business?

Teenage boy: Where were you girls been all our lives?
Daria: Waiting for you. We were born in this room. We grew up in this room. And we're going to die in this room, alone.

Jake: Won't this camping trip be fun, Daria?
Daria: Yeah. Almost as fun as drowning.

Daria: Well, my history teacher hates me because I know all the answers, but there are some interesting idiots in my class.


But the best of them all, of course, was her valedictory speech. I can still hear clearly how she delivered her speech. Monotonous, calm and very Daria.

Daria: Um, thank you. I'm not much for public speaking. Or much for speaking. Or, come to think of it, much for the public. And I'm not very good at lying. So let me just say that, in my experience, high school sucks. If I had to do it all over again, I'd have started advanced placement classes in preschool so I could go from eighth grade straight to college. However, given the unalterable fact that high school sucks, I'd like to add that if you're lucky enough to have a good friend and a family that cares it doesn't have to suck quite as much. Otherwise my advice is; Stand firm for what you believe in, until and unless logic and experience prove you wrong. Remember, when the emperor looks naked, the emperor is naked. The truth and a lie are not sort of the same thing. And there is no aspect, no facet, no moment of life that can't be improved with pizza. Thank you.

Glad that it's now on DVD and I got myself a copy!
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